Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
