i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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