I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
