Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
