Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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