hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
and you fell through a lawn chair
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