Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
