My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Found the puke drawer
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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