3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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