No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
