Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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