he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
