you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
