you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
