if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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