I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
