I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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