So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
