i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
