Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
