her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
