He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
