Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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