I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
