I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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