Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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