I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
