Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
