Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
