I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
