why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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