he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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