I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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