I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
