I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
