note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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