Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
