my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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