Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
