i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
