I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
