Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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