I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
