Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
