Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
