why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
