i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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