I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
