Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
