just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize