Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
