My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
