How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
