would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
