Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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