I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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