It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
