I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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