Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
