So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
