Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
