I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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